Self-Awareness

I’ve been focusing on self-awareness which to me, includes being able to acknowledge your own bs, be straight up with yourself, and do whatever you need to in order to heal. The first step of my healing journey has been self-awareness. I would describe self-awareness as acknowledging your downfalls, your weaknesses, your traumas, your imperfections, your shitty behaviours, everything that you’ve ever done wrong and the terrible ways you’ve been treating others and have shown up for yourself and others…all of that and owning it, OWNING IT! That is self- awareness. Owning your bullshit and deciding to work on being a better human and healing yourself FOR yourself.

I think it’s extremely important to be self-aware. Being aware of yourself, your behaviours, your thought process, your actions towards others…that is a game changer. Those of you that are self aware know what I am talking about. Once you know the truth about yourself, you can’t go back and unknow it. It really is true what they say “Ignorance is bliss” because once you are aware, you are fucked. The road ahead is scary, it’s unknown and you worry about whether you can fix it, whether you’ll get through it…you worry about failing. However, there is also this desire to grow and let your true self free. There is a passion and a fire inside of me to get to the bottom of everything and how it’s changed me as a person. I find it beautiful to want to work on yourself and be able to show up as your best self to your friends, to your family, and to your partner, but most importantly for yourself.

In my previous posts, I’ve told you about the vast amount of fear I felt all of my life towards my father. I briefly explained about constantly living in flight or fight mode and the huge impact that has had on my life today. It has significantly impacted my relationships – with friends, with family, with partners. Despite this, I have never been more self-aware as I am today. I have never been more present with myself and my emotions. I have never been more present with those around me, and I have never been more aware of how people impact my emotions, my moods, my energy. ENERGY is HUGE for me right now! For the first time in my life I am able to feel and see people’s energies and identify when someone’s energy is not aligned with mine. I feel so awake… it’s scary but so compelling! The feeling inside of me is one of yearning to heal so much! The desire to be better, to be stronger, to be more selfless has never been so strong in me.

For most of my life I have been a people-pleaser and I believe it’s due to always trying to please my father so he doesn’t hurt us. This year hit different for me. I’ve lost some so-called friends, I’ve told people to fuck off. I’ve taken a back seat on the people-pleasing business and decided to just be up front and to the point, regardless if it hurts their feelings or if it’s something they don’t want to hear. I’ve decided life is short and I am going to say what I want and what I feel without worrying about what anyone thinks. After all, I am finally learning to choose myself and remove the self-doubt and fears that have been embedded in me for so long. I only want the people in my life that are going to love me, the real me, which includes some of the broken parts and not just the healed version.

Some of my posts will be about certain experiences that I have had, and others will be about my healing journey. Therapy has been a blessing to say the least. It has opened up my mind and my eyes to things I refused to see and let go of. It has been an anchor in humbling me and allowing me the tools to ground myself and acknowledge my own issues, to stop blaming others and take ownership for my actions. I have to say that even though I have uncovered some crappy characteristics/behaviours within myself, I know that my true self is coming out and I am going to love her unconditionally, she has been gone far too long. I am excited to take you on my healing journey where I will re-discover my true self, learn to love myself and others in my life in ways that I have not been able to for most of my life, and hopefully share some strategies that I have learned which may help you or someone you know.

I want to end this post with a few positives. I want to share some amazing resources that have helped me in my journey:

BOOKS:
– Loving What Is- Byron Katie (https://thework.com/)
– Whole Again – Jackson MacKenzie (this book will change your life)
– Growing Yourself Back Up – John Lee
– Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud
-Letting Go – David R. Hawkins (another life changer!!!)

PODCASTS:
– Empath and the Narcissist: Healing Guide from Abuse and PTSD by Raven Scott (Audible.ca) (I think this one is free)
-Where Should We Begin? – Esther Perel (Spotify- free podcast with tons of episodes)
– The School of Greatness – Lewis Howes (Spotify- also free)
– Guided Walking Meditation with Circle of Light (Spotify- I do this one every morning on my walk and its completely calmed me)
– Joe Dispenza – (Spotify – you can find all kinds of podcasts of his)
– YouTube – there are tons of topics that you can find support on!

THINGS I’VE LEARNED THESE PAST FEW WEEKS:
– Energy within people DOES exist and it can impact you in the worst of ways, or in the most beautiful way. The choice is yours, what kind of energy do you want to be surrounded by?
– My feelings are valid. It’s ok to feel like shit because your needs were not met. What are you going to do about it? Dig deep and figure out why the certain person is triggering you and find ways to detach from the trigger or be able to find ways to deal with it in a more positive and constructive way.
– How you speak to yourself really impacts your capability to perform whether it’s at work, at home, or in social situations. What you say to yourself, you believe, and then you manifest. Speak words of positivity, it 100% MATTERS!
– It’s ok to tell people NO THANK YOU! It’s ok to choose yourself and protect yourself from situations that are making you feel less than you deserve.
– Every person in your life is there to teach you something, OPEN your MIND and be receptive to CHANGE and KNOWLEDGE! Don’t limit yourself because you’re afraid of finding out that what you thought you knew was wrong. I am literally reprogramming my brain to get rid of years and years of abuse, trauma, lies, deceit, and wrong concepts that have been passed on from generation to generation. I am the one that will end my family’s generational trauma. Open your heart and your mind, you have no idea how much peace will flow through when you do.
– I am unstoppable. I am willing to learn something new. I am letting go of my fears.


Until Next time,
Be brave and step into the uncomfortable unknown, you might surprise yourself and all that you are capable of!

Love,
Desi

2 responses to “Self-Awareness”

  1. Love this! I just made a post that was kind of along the same lines. Shadow work 100%. Growth and accountability

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, absolutely! The work isn’t easy but it’s so worth it!

      Like

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